My stress levels have been at an all time high lately. Even though my baby boo is always in the best of spirits, I know that he picks up on that energy. So I decided to give him a long week (honestly this is all the time now lol) of much needed tlc for toddlers. Which includes luxury baths with rose buds, lavender, and his favorite Mr. Bubble Original Bubble Bath. Along with all his favorite bath toys and blasting his favorite nursery rhymes. I usually have things planned out for him throughout each day so he can work off all that crazy toddler energy, but I decided just to let him do what he wanted. Even though he is only 3 years old, I always want to make sure that he is not only healthy physically but mentally and emotionally as well because that's just as important.
After I gave birth to Ken, adjusting to home life again was very difficult. I mean we slept fairly well... something nobody told me is that I would sleep fine in the first 6 months. It was after that, things started to take a toll on me. For some reason I started having anxiety. I've never had anxiety before, so the feelings were all new to me and I felt like I didn't deal with it very well. When I would visit my OB, he told me that sometimes it can be a sign of the baby blues. He wanted to prescribe me medication, but I really don't believe in taking pills to alter my moods. I wanted to deal with it on my own. I figured I could handle it since, I prefer to work through things on my own.
Another thing, (which I think is really really important) that I wish somebody would have told me about becoming a Mother was how it would impact me psychologically. When my husband and I thought about having our kid we knew we were going to be tired, we knew it was going to be a lot of responsibilities, we knew there would also be financial responsibilities. But I didn't think about how it would impact me psychologically. I don't know what it is about becoming a Mother that made me feel like everything all of a sudden needed to be perfect. And all of a sudden I felt like I needed to be perfect as well. I held myself to these crazy standards because now we had this little baby boy who looked up to us, who relied on us and I needed to be perfect.
No matter how hard I tried, whatever I did just never felt good enough. When I used to work, I would feel so guilty that I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my kid. The sacrifices of having two huge responsibilities seemed never-ending. I also feel like social media sets these unrealistic standards for moms on how we should only post positive things or make it seem like we have our lives altogether. It would be detrimental to my self-esteem to see all these moms who seem to be so happy, so well-rested and so content with everything... when I felt like half the time I'm falling apart. Seeing all these things felt like a constant reminder of my shortcomings. Of course it made me feel like crap.
BUUUUUT
The way that I started to think about it and what I started to realize, is that it's fine to be just okay. I'm an okay mom and I am SO happy about that. My son is loved and is the happiest 3 year old I know. And maybe he had a bowl of saimini last night, that's not going to kill him and at least he ate (picky af). Annnd maybe I let him watch cartoons for a few hours so I can clean up the house, decompress, and lose it about whatever crazy thing happened that day. At least I made sure he was distracted so he doesn't have to feel that energy coming from me. He doesn't wear the latest fashion trends or even name brand shoes. But he's fully insured, he can see his doctor whenever, he can have the soccer lessons when he's old enough, and all the stuff he wants to do, he even has a college fund... I'm doing this all for his future. My point is, I'm not the worlds most perfect mom and I never will be! And I'm okay with that. I don't know why I was so hard on myself. But I know that I am not the only mom who felt/feels that way. (hopefully lol) If you already have children and you are invested, committed and you are there for them. It's okay to fuck up a little bit and let yourself off the hook and do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Practice self-care and make it a priority. It's hard work being a parent, and we don't have to be perfect.
BUUUUUT
The way that I started to think about it and what I started to realize, is that it's fine to be just okay. I'm an okay mom and I am SO happy about that. My son is loved and is the happiest 3 year old I know. And maybe he had a bowl of saimini last night, that's not going to kill him and at least he ate (picky af). Annnd maybe I let him watch cartoons for a few hours so I can clean up the house, decompress, and lose it about whatever crazy thing happened that day. At least I made sure he was distracted so he doesn't have to feel that energy coming from me. He doesn't wear the latest fashion trends or even name brand shoes. But he's fully insured, he can see his doctor whenever, he can have the soccer lessons when he's old enough, and all the stuff he wants to do, he even has a college fund... I'm doing this all for his future. My point is, I'm not the worlds most perfect mom and I never will be! And I'm okay with that. I don't know why I was so hard on myself. But I know that I am not the only mom who felt/feels that way. (hopefully lol) If you already have children and you are invested, committed and you are there for them. It's okay to fuck up a little bit and let yourself off the hook and do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Practice self-care and make it a priority. It's hard work being a parent, and we don't have to be perfect.
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