father figure

My momma never told us (her 2 youngest kids) much about my dad. Up until his passing, the only thing my little sister and I knew was that he was a cheater and was abusive. Only my 2 oldest siblings had a relationship with him and they were the only ones that attended his funeral. From his service (which was recorded) I learned that he was a successful business man. He was fair to a lot of people and took care a lot of them too. He became a father figure to many people at different points of his life. I felt a slight sting of envy when I listened to their memories. He seemed wholesome and loving from their point of view. So why did he forget about his two younger children. Maybe my mom had a part of why he wasn't really involved in our life... but it didnt seem like he really tried. We only got the occasional phone call every now and then until they completely stopped. I never wanted to speak to him, in reality I was scared of him. The only memory I have of him was a birthday of mine. He was there with a cake and some candles and then I got bit on the hand by some critter. That's the only reason I remembered it so well. The next day my hand swelled up and only my mom took care of it. My mom was the only one there for 95% of my memories in Tonga. Not him. However, I'm content to know that even though he wasn't there for me and my little sister. He was there for someone else. Maybe they needed him more. Now that I am in my 30's and can understand the complexities of adult relationships... I get why he couldn't stay committed to my mom. A healthy relationship was never modeled for him and he only knew what he knew. Not justifying his absence but I get it and I can live with it. I often wonder how different my life would have been if he was there. But, I try not to dwell too much on that. The universe knew my momma could endure and survive without him. For that alone, I am grateful.