i am a mess, i must confess

i have these thoughts in my head you see? so i never know who i am, and so i begin to doubt and question, and ponder, tap my thigh, pace back and forth, sweat, then shiver, then sweat once more, begin to write, then erase, then write some more, pick my phone up, dial his number, hang up before the second ring, no no no he doesn't want to hear from me, start to write a text, i miss, no no backspace, i can't, i mustn't, oh but i...   for just a minute, maybe not even that long, maybe a second... i would like to be the air that inhabits you, if only, for a moment, to fill your lungs with life, unnoticed yet necessary, pick phone up... look i love yo... no no i don't, but

 i do, i do...